Happy Valley, South Viet Nam, 1968
In less than 7 days we were ambushed,
set off several booby traps that ripped
off limbs and shredded bodies,
bagged our buddies who didn't make it,
captured a few enemy,
sweated out night patrols,
and finally had a day to rest.
In the distance my buddy and I saw a commercial airliner flying some lucky GI's back to the freedom of "the world". "Lucky sons of bitches" we muttered to each other while expressing our longing to be on that "Freedom Bird" one day.
We were told to saddle up, it was time to head to an LZ where choppers could pick us up and carry us back to the
relative safety of Hill 37. I was told I'd walk point. Slowly I began our descent down the hill into a secured part of the valley.
The lush green foilage, chattering sounds of birds, clear blue sky and panoramic view of an exotic valley defied the reality that this was not a vacation paradise but another potential battleground. I watched every step I made, continuously scanning the terrain for any hint of enemy presence and/or cleverly disguised booby traps, trip wires, etc. This day there was no ambush, no terrorizing explosions, no buddies lost. But I realized what could have been...
After 13 months of continuous exposure to combat or the threat of it, I finally made it aboard a "freedom bird". We flew to Okinawa for 3 days of "decompression" and then to
El Toro, Calif and the "free world". The profound elation I felt as our craft touched down almost overwhelmed me. I had made it home. I could begin to live once again in freedom,
peace and without constant fear. I was wrong.
I still do not understand all the psychological babbling and theories concerning what prolonged exposure to extreme trauma, constant fear, etc can do to one's psyche. All I know is that I could not escape the pain and fear of my Viet Nam
experience. Flashbacks, nightmares, inability to think and perform rationally, extreme mood swings, constant changing
of jobs, depression, suicide thoughts, self medicating through partying and philandering, destruction of a marriage and family, stealing money, lying, no concept of reality, only manic survival tactics....I manifested all the symptons of someone with severe chronic PTSD.
Yet, I never thought I had a problem until one day in total desperation, I began to plan my suicide. Realizing I had neither the courage or the right to follow through with my plans, I sought help from the VA. They asked me who the president was, what day it was and to count backwards. I was told nothing was wrong with me, I just needed to learn how to cope with everyday stress. I left feeling completely useless....And hopeless.
I had tried religion earlier but was unable to manifest most of the promises of an "enhanced life" with Jesus Christ. I was told all I had to do was believe, to have faith and all would be well. "Christians" don't have psychological problems. The raging symptons of PTSD were a result of my sin, that I had no psychological/mental problems, I was healed and needed to start acting that way. I desperately wanted to believe I was healed by God, but I continued to manifest the symptons of PTSD. I became extremely agitated with all religion and scoffed at the very God Who wanted so badly to heal me, to bring me home.
After years of searching, I finally turned back to God through His Son Jesus Christ. I have learned that with God, we are indeed body, soul (personality, mind, psyche, etc), and spirit. Each part of my being needs to be nurtured. All the counselling in the world might temporarily stop the bleeding,
but in order to heal the wound, my spirit, my mind and my body must be given to the Great Physician. When I do give
all of me to Him, I have great peace, comfort, and hope.
Our God is a loving God. He did not want or force me to go off to war. The consequences of war destroy life, stops us from living the "more abundant life" Christ has made available. But, there is a way to be freed from the consequences of war, a way to begin living life richly blessed. There are so many concrete truths and immutable laws that God has given us to live a wonderful life; a life free of the misery, self doubt, self loathing, self destruction that so many combat vets live.
One truth is that Jesus Christ wants to be our point man...we cannot walk throught this life without following someone, some theology or some doctrine. Jesus Christ wants us to follow Him, He has cleared our way. With Him we can learn to love ourselves, our God, and each other. We can face each crisis, each problem knowing we are not alone and God will turn what was meant for evil into good. We can learn to serve one another and to be right in the midst of God's perfect will, plan and vision for us.
When we allow Jesus Christ to walk point and follow His lead, we enjoy peace, love, joy and much more.
God and Jesus Christ do not enhance life, they are life. Freedom without God is a myth.
God's will, His uttermost desire, is two fold: He wants each of us to be saved from sin and its destructive, undeterred path to certain eternal death. And He desires that we come to a full experiential knowledge of the truth (Jesus Christ, His living Word) and manifest all His promises, most importantly, the promise of eternal life with Him.
If you're ready, call on God right now! Admit to Him your inability to live without Him. Confess your wrongs and how you've fallen short (sins). Recognize and acknowldege that Jesus Christ came to earth as an obedient servant to the Father, died on the cross as the atonement for your sins, was raised from the dead by God, and now sits at His right hand, making intercession for all of His followers. Ask for His forgiveness. Then ask Jesus Christ to come into your heart and tell Him you want to allow Him to be your Lord.
If you've received Christ before but somehow have lost that connection, confess your mistakes (sins) and ask for a ressurected relationship, All God wants is a heart that desires the truth.
Jesus Christ is the truth, the way, and the life.
And one awesome point man!!!
Welcome home, brothers and sisters.
